Newsletter 08/09

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I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer despite the weird weather patterns around most of the country. Here on Long Island, we’re experiencing record rain and low temperatures, but I’m stuck in my writing room six or seven days a week this summer so I don’t care. And it’s all about me.

In my last Newsletter, I told you about the problem I had with my government check from the Bestselling Author’s Relief Fund (BARF), but since then, the government has declared me Too Big To Fail, and has sent me, in lieu of a bailout check, a note of encouragement, telling me to hang in there.

Meanwhile, I’m taking advantage of the Cash for Clunker Books program. I’ve sent the Treasury Department dozens of old books that I didn’t like (no, I won’t name the authors) along with a signed statement saying the books were clunkers. Now I think I’m supposed to buy better books, send the receipts to the government, and get a check. I’ll let you know what happens.

Back in April, I said I was working on the sequel to The Lion’s Game. I’m still working on it, and I can report that it’s a great book and a worthy successor to The Lion’s Game. I also have a title — The Lion. Short and simple, and it leaves enough room for my name in BIG letters. If you haven’t read The Lion’s Game, please do so before The Lion is published next June — in time for Father’s Day!

In April, I also mentioned that my last novel, The Gate House would be issued in paperback in November. A small change here — The Gate House will be issued in trade paperback. This is the hardcover-size paperback that so many people like because the type is bigger, and the price is smaller than the hardcover. Please look for this in November in bookstores or your favorite online book source. This trade paperback edition of The Gate House will include a preview chapter of The Lion — for free!

Also, as I mentioned, my last John Corey book, Wild Fire, will be issued this fall in the trade paperback size edition. Included in this edition will also be the preview chapter of THE LION, and John Corey’s recipe for Pigs-in-a-Blanket, space permitting.

So, to recap: the trade paperback of The Gate House and Wild Fire will be issued this fall and will include (at no extra charge) a preview chapter of The Lion. The Lion hardcover will be published in June 2010.

And now some news from Hollywood: One of my earlier, and most successful novels, The Charm School is moving closer to the big screen. Bristol Bay Productions, with Frank Marshall, as producer, have hired Ericson Core to direct The Charm School. They also have a screenplay by Frank Pearson, and they have begun casting. This is exciting news, and this is a very talented and smart team, so I know they’ll be calling me about playing one of my characters in the movie.

If you haven’t read The Charm School, it’s available in paperback, audiobook, and e-book, and you might want to cast the characters in your head, and look for a good part for me. I do alpha males really well.

There’s more news about making my books into movies, but I’ll wait for further developments, which I’ll report in my next Newsletter.

For my summer reading, I’ve received an advance copy of South of Broad by Pat Conroy, published by Random House/Nan A. Talese, and I highly recommend it. It will be released Tuesday, August 11.

For your summer reading, I recommend any of my novels, all of which (except The Gate House) are available in various paperback formats, including an edible edition. Most of my books are also available in audio and a variety of e-book formats. And for poolside reading, don’t forget that e-book devices, such as the Kindle and Sony Reader are waterproof and can be read underwater. (Kidding!)

I wish all my readers and Newsletter subscribers a wonderful summer and good summer reading.

Newsletter 11/09

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I hope everyone else had a wonderful summer. I spent the whole summer, including weekends, writing. And just last week, I wrote the two most beautiful words an author can write: The End.

Yes, I am finished with the sequel to The Lion’s Game. And as I reported in my last newsletter, the title of my new book is The Lion — short and simple, and it leaves a lot of room for my name in big letters, as you can see here.

Actually, this cover was finished before I finished the book, but now it has all come together — book and cover, and even a publication date, which is June 8, 2010. That’s a long time away, but it’s worth the wait. The Lion is every bit as good as The Lion’s Game, and in many ways better. John Corey, NYPD, returns at the very top of his game, and his wife and partner, FBI Special Agent Kate Mayfield has her hands full trying to rein in her rambunctious husband as they pursue Libyan terrorist Asad Khalil who escaped their grasp in The Lion’s Game. This book is so good I actually read it myself.

The Lion will be on the shelves in time for Father’s Day, graduation, and summer vacation. It would also make a great belated Mother’s Day gift. And, of course, for the one or two million people whose birthday is June 8, what a special gift this would be — a book born on the same day as your friend or loved one.

On to other subjects: as I also mentioned in my previous newsletter, my last novel, The Gate House is now available in trade (large-size) paperback. This is a nice, easy-to-read format, and is only slightly smaller than the hardcover edition for about half the price. Included in this edition of The Gate House is Chapter One of The Lion. At no extra charge. And six months before publication date.

Also now available is the trade paperback edition of Wild Fire, the previous John Corey novel, which also includes Chapter One of The Lion.

Please look for (and buy) both these new editions at your local bookstore or from your favorite online book source. And don’t worry if you’ve already read The Gate House or Wild Fire; if you’re like me, you can’t remember what you’ve read, and it will all seem new and fresh.

As I said earlier — or did I not say? — I’m going to post Chapter One of The Lion on my website — but I’m also going to do something bold and different: I’m posting the last chapter of The Lion on my website. That’s right — I’m giving away the end. So, you can read Chapter One, and Chapter Forty-seven, then decide if you’d like to buy what comes in between. Or, you can make up your own story about what came between Chapters One and Forty-seven. Hell, it might be better than my version.

All right, just kidding — the last chapter remains a state secret. But you can read Chapter One of The Lion (to be published in June 2010) by clicking here, or in the trade paperback editions of The Gate House and Wild Fire, available now in bookstores and online retailers.

Now that I’m done with The Lion, I am joining the growing ranks of the unemployed, and to fill my days, I am re-opening my website mailbox so that my readers can email me here with their thoughts, advice, criticism, praise, or questions. I try to answer mailbox emails, but sometimes the volume is overwhelming. Still, I’d like to hear from you, and if you don’t hear back from me, write to your mother — she always responds. Kids not so much.

I like to give movie news in my newsletters, but it’s been pretty quiet since I last wrote. Basically, the books that were in development — The Charm School and The Gold Coast — remain in a holding pattern. Columbia/Sony, who own the motion picture rights to The Lion’s Game and Plum Island (both John Corey novels), have expressed an interest in revisiting these projects. Stay tuned.

Sometime after my unemployment checks run out, I will begin my next novel. As of now, I have a great title — Captain — and a really terrific cover, but I have no idea what the book is about. Sea captain? Airline captain? Army captain? Police captain? The cover is blue and gold, with my name in big red letters, and a big black question mark where the artwork should be. Publication date, according to my astrologer, will be May 17, 2011. More on this in my next Newsletter.

That’s it for this Newsletter. I want to take this opportunity to wish everyone a happy, healthy, and peaceful Thanksgiving. Despite the economy and the world situation, we have much to be thankful for. And please remember our troops stationed around the world in your thoughts and your prayers as you gather ’round the holiday table.

Newsletter 12/09

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I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I enjoy the holiday, but I wish the Pilgrims had shot a cow instead of a turkey. I mean, turkey is good for you, but steak is something to be thankful for.

One of the things I am thankful for are my great readers who consistently put my books on the bestseller list. The Gate House trade paperback edition was released on November 3, and it immediately made it to the New York Times bestseller list as well as other lists around the country. So for that I thank all of you who bought the book. I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope you also enjoyed Chapter One of The Lion, which is included in the back of The Gate House. The Lion, which is the sequel to The Lion’s Game will be published on June 8, 2010, in time for the Summer Solstice on June 21. Depending on your longitude and latitude, you can read this book by sunlight until about 8 pm — longer, if you sit on your roof — thereby helping the environment and reducing global warming by three percent.

My November Newsletter generated almost a thousand emails from my readers. I promise you, I do read every email, but it’s obviously not possible to answer each one. However, I do thank you all for writing, and for your good wishes, and your suggestions, comments, and even your criticisms which are usually helpful. Even the really dumb criticisms are interesting.

In my last Newsletter, I mentioned my next book, titled Captain, and I said I didn’t know what it was about. This generated about a hundred emails with suggestions and I picked one. Captain will be an airline disaster novel with a twist. The twist is this: the airplane never leaves the ground. It sits on the runway for six hours and no one makes an announcement to the passengers. The lavs back up, the air conditioning is not working, the galley is closed, and finally the pilots and crew sneak off the plane under cover of darkness. Then, an amateur pilot enters the cockpit. He can’t fly the aircraft, but he taxis to the highway and heads for the nearest Hooters. Happy ending.

Speaking of endings, as we all know by now, the world will end on December 21, 2012. That’s the bad news. The good news is that I will have another book out in time for Christmas 2012. It’s called “Two or Three Books to Read Before You Get Vaporized. “Originally, it was a hundred books, but…well, two or three is probably all you can read before December 21. More on this as the time approaches.

On the movie front, the big question going around is: Will Hollywood turn another DeMille book into a major motion picture before the world ends? A few years ago, I would have answered Yes! But now, as The End approaches, I’m more pessimistic about seeing one of my books on the silver screen. My agent, too, is concerned about not seeing any royalties after Doomsday. On the brighter side, we won’t have to audit the royalty statements. Or take any more meetings in L.A.

I’d like to remind everyone that a book makes a great holiday gift. The gift of a book shows thought, and it sends a message to the recipient that you think he or she is literate. Also, you’re probably not paying full cover price, but it looks like you spent about thirty bucks. And finally, if you shop early, you can read the book first, then wrap it. Just don’t sneeze on it.

Before I sign off, I’d like to ask a favor. Please forward this Newsletter to friends, family, and anyone who you think might enjoy reading this. And please urge other people to subscribe to this Newsletter. This Newsletter is free to the first half million people who sign up.

I want to take this opportunity to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, and a very Happy Hanukkah. I spent Christmas 1968 in a foxhole in Vietnam, so at this time of year my thoughts and prayers always go out to the men and women serving in hostile areas around the world. Home safe.

And Happy New Year to all.

Newsletter 04/10

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This is my first Newsletter since December and I hope everyone had a good winter despite the record-breaking global warming freeze in most of the country.

I’ve just read and corrected the galley proofs of my new book, The Lion, and it’s off to the printer. The Lion will be published June 8, as scheduled, in a limited edition of one million copies which will be offered to the public on a first-come, first-served basis. In order to avoid long lines and disappointment, I suggest you pre-order your copy or copies online, or call your bookstore and ask them to reserve a copy for you. When these million copies are gone, there will be no more copies available to the public — unless the publisher goes back to press for another half million or so. But don’t take a chance on being left out — Order now while supplies last! The Lion will make a great Father’s Day gift, or a belated Mother’s Day gift. And don’t forget birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, christenings, bar mitzvahs, or relatives in prison. And if you’re like me, you like to have a heavy book in your hand when you answer the door to a solicitor or census taker. Two whacks upside the head usually gets rid of them.

I’m still working on Captain which will be published sometime in 2011. I’m about halfway through the book and I’ve figured out what it’s about. At first it was supposed to be about a long boring flight from Rome to New York. But then I decided to introduce the element of computer failure over the Atlantic. Well, as you can imagine, the flight gets interesting at that point. I’m actually flying from Rome to New York in May, so if the computer goes down I can see firsthand if I’m getting it right.

I just autographed my income tax check and like millions of other Americans I probably won’t get a thank you note from the IRS. It’s like the whole IRS is made up of my nieces and nephews.

Just to remind everyone, the prequel to The Lion, titled The Lion’s Game, will be reissued in mass market paperback on May 3, and in the larger trade paperback edition on May 19. It’s not necessary to read or reread The Lion’s Game before you read The Lion, but it’s not a bad idea either. I mean, do you really remember The Lion’s Game? I don’t, and I wrote it. This reissued edition of The Lion’s Game includes a sneak preview chapter from The Lion and also a new Author’s Introduction.

Not much new on the movie front except that the manuscript of The Lion is out with about sixty producers and studios and we’re waiting for the offers to start rolling in. I did get an offer from the Motion Picture Academy of Arts and Sciences for one million dollars if I’d stop sending manuscripts to Hollywood. My agent is negotiating.

Well, that’s about it. I hope you’re all enjoying the spring and that you’ve managed to find something to read before The Lion comes out in June, just in time for beach reading.

Newsletter 06/10

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My last Newsletter was in April, so if you don’t remember a May Newsletter you are not losing your marbles. Or…did I post one in May? Let me know.

More importantly, today, Tuesday, June 8 is publication day for The Lion! Hopefully, you’ve pre-ordered your copy online or at your bookstore and you won’t have to wait in long lines or be disappointed by empty shelves. Most bookstores are limiting sales to two per customer, so bring the whole family if you want more than two copies of The Lion. Many stores will stay open late tonight to handle the crowds, but I suggest you get there early. The Lion is also available on CD in abridged and unabridged formats, and includes an interview with me, done by Scott Brick who is the narrator of the AudioBooks. Scott does a fantastic job of bringing the characters to life, so if you still like to be read to, then curl up with your Teddy and ba-ba and let Scott read to you. The interview at the end of the book is interesting and revealing, and if you play it backwards you will be shocked by what you hear. Also, The Lion is available in most e-book formats, including a cocktail table edition.

At the end of May, I went to BookExpo, the annual publishing industry gathering which was held this year in New York City at the Javits Center. When I walked into the convention hall, there were thousands of people jammed into the huge lobby, dozens of photographers, reporters, and TV news crews, all facing me. I was totally overwhelmed by this turnout, and I waved and flashed the V sign to the assembled throng, then I shouted, “Lion!,” and repeated it — “Lion, Lion, Lion!” — hoping that the crowd would take up the chant.

Then my publicist whispered in my ear, “They’re waiting for Sarah Ferguson.”

“Who?”

“The Duchess of York.”

“Huh?”

“She’s here to sign her books. She writes children’s books.”

“Really?”

My wife advised, “Let’s get a cup of coffee.”

“Where’s the bar?” I asked.

The rest of the day went better and I signed advance reading copies of The Lion, did a stage interview with Scott Brick, and went to the booth of my publisher, who does not publish the Duchess of York, and where I am appreciated.

It was a good BookExpo and there was a lot of buzz about The Lion, with many bookstore owners saying, “Nice cover.” One book wholesaler commented, “Thank God it’s shorter than your last three.”

Afterwards, my wife and I went to a party that was generously sponsored by the New York Times and I started a rumor that Sarah Ferguson and Nelson DeMille were arriving together. This got everyone moving to the front door and away from the crowded bar where I was able to get a scotch and soda.

But I digress. The Lion is on sale today and I’ve already bought my copy. There are 999,999 left. Father’s Day is June 20. Need I say more?

Hope you enjoy The Lion and hope you are enjoying the summer.

Newsletter 07/10

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First, the good news: The Lion debuted at #1 on The New York Times bestseller list. Bad news: it was actually tied for #1 with Stieg Larsson’s, The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest.

I don’t mind sharing the top spot with another author, but Stieg Larsson didn’t even bother to promote his book. I’ve been breaking my back doing radio, TV, print interviews, and bookstore signings since The Lion was published on June 8. And Larsson has done absolutely nothing to help his publisher publicize his book.
To be fair, though, I should mention that Stieg Larsson is dead. Proving once again that some authors will do anything to get out of a book tour.

In any case, I want to thank everyone who bought or downloaded The Lion and put it at the top of the list.

The Lion continues to sell well, and if you got it or gave it for Father’s Day, it was the perfect gift, and if you bought it for yourself, go ahead and autograph it with my name and write something nice from me to you.

Also, don’t forget that the prequel to The Lion, The Lion’s Game has been reissued, and if you enjoyed The Lion, you will also enjoy The Lion’s Game. If you didn’t enjoy The Lion, then get in your Volvo or Saab and go buy The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest. See if I care.

Since the publication of The Lion, I’ve gotten thousands of emails through my website and I want to thank each and every one of you who’ve taken the time to write. Ninety-five percent of the letters were very positive, four percent were negative, and one percent were relatives asking for money.

On the positive side, one nice lady wrote, “ANOTHER REASON SOME PEOPLE MAY WANT TO BUY ”THE LION”. When you walk a dog or push a baby in a stroller people stop and talk to you. Well, if you read The Lion in a public place, the same thing happens – at the beach, on the train, waiting outside stores at the mall while my daughters shopped (of course, they called me in when it was time to pay) – wherever I was, I could not believe the number of people who had to speak with me. So if you want to read The Lion in peace, my advice is – stay home. On the other hand, if you want to meet lots of new people, just carry The Lion with you, even after you finish reading it. Anyway, thanks for another great read, although I do find it somewhat scary that I can read a story like this and laugh through the whole book. My only complaint is that, as always, it was over too soon. Regards, Susan F.”

So, if you want to meet new people…

I’ve gotten a lot of emails from our servicemen and women overseas, and I thank them, not only for their letters, but for their service to our country. Safe home.

I wish I could answer all your letters, but my publicity and writing schedule takes most of my time, though as I said, I do read every letter I get and answer when I can.

Meanwhile, I wish everyone a happy and healthy summer, and please carry around a copy of The Lion. You never know who you’ll meet. Right, Susan?

Newsletter 08/10

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The Lion continues to sell well, and I thank all of you who’ve bought it and kept it on the bestseller lists.

I also want to thank everyone who e-mailed me through my website. A few people asked me to clarify the ending of The Lion. One lady wrote that she and her husband were on the verge of divorce arguing about the ending. I helped her out by emailing her the name of a good divorce lawyer.

A number of e-mailers have asked me to read their manuscripts, and/or tell them how to get their book published. I wish I knew. I don’t even know how I got published the first time. You might try changing your main character into a vampire. Or make up some endorsements from recently dead authors. Like, “Best damn vampire romance I’ve ever read — Stieg Larsson.” Or, “This coming-of-age vampire novel really sucks — J. D. Salinger.” You get the idea. Good luck.

A lot of people have e-mailed me that they have a great story to tell — like the inside scoop on the upholstery business — but they can’t write, and they’d like me to write their story for them. As tempting as this is, my publishing contract clearly states in Paragraph 3, “The author (DeMille) has such a huge ego and is so difficult to work with that a collaboration with another author is all but impossible.” Sorry.

On another subject, I’ve read a few great books this spring and summer and I’d like to recommend them: First, In the Name of Honor by bestselling author Richard North Patterson. In one of Stephen King’s books he has a character say, “Patterson and DeMille are probably the best of the current popular novelists.” I agree with Stephen on this and I hope you will, too.

I love it when I “discover” a new writer, and one of the best first novels I’ve read in years is Think of a Number by John Verdon. This is truly a great read and you won’t be disappointed.

Also, I’m reading a great anthology of spy stories, Agents of Treachery, edited by Otto Penzler, who is a good friend who paid me to say this.

Finally, The Charm School, by me. In this book you will see many uncanny similarities to the current Russian spy case, i.e. sleeper agents trained in Russia to talk and act like Americans, then sent here to spy. I’m not the only one to notice this similarity; many of you have emailed me about this, plus many print articles about this case have mentioned The Charm School, as have many commentators on radio and TV. So, life imitates art imitates life. Did I Get my book idea from the Russians? Or did they get their spying idea from my book? You be the judge.

The reviewers have been kind to The Lion, with one reviewer comparing it (in length) to War and Peace, and another to Gone with the Wind for the same reason. Several astute reviewers compared The Lion to The Lion’s Game which makes sense because The Lion is the sequel to The Lion’s Game. Right?

I did get some snarky reviews from online readers/reviewers, complete with errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, and plot points. Many of these reviewers stated, “I won’t buy any more DeMille books.” Thank you.

The good thing about a publicity tour is that I get to meet readers and bookstore people
who are very enthusiastic about my books. I did get some heckling at one bookstore, however. As I was talking, a voice said, “What’s he talking about? Why is he talking so much?” The heckler was my three-year old son, who was with my wife, and who clearly wanted to be somewhere else. My son, I mean — not my wife. I responded to him, as I always do, “Pipe down, little man.” And he replied, as he always does, “No, you pipe down.” That got a few laughs and I banished him to the children’s book section.

This is my last Newsletter for the summer, and after Labor Day I go back to a full writing schedule. I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer and that you’re reading great books.

John Corey has asked me to pass on his regards and his thanks for your support, and his advice for the summer. “Get yourself a cold beer, a hot book, and a pound of sliced baloney for edible bookmarks. Life is good.”

Newsletter 09/10

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The summer will be officially over here in the Northern Hemisphere on September 21, and if you live in the Southern Hemisphere, winter will be over on the same day. The point I’m making is…well, I don’t know. Maybe climate change. Maybe the climate changes depending on the season, and where you live. Or is that the weather I’m thinking about? Anyway, hope you had a great summer–or winter–and that the fall–or spring–is really nice, wherever you are. And if you live right on the equator, have a good day.

On another subject, let me recommend a good book for you during this transitional period. If you haven’t read The Lion, published in June here in the U.S. and in Canada, this is a good time to do that. And don’t forget the prequel, The Lion’s Game, which has been in print since 2000. Both books sold briskly this summer/winter, and I thank you again for your support and for your letters.

One reader wrote to me, “I buy all of your books as soon as they come out, but I haven’t read any of them. Is that okay?”

Yes, of course. You don’t have to read them — you just have to buy them. I don’t care what you do with them after you leave the cash register. Same if you download them on an eReader. To clarify: Step One, buy book; Step Two, read book, don’t read book. That’s your after-sale choice.

On a related subject, I’d like to announce here that the mass-market paperback edition of The Gate House will be published by Grand Central Publishing on November 1. If you bought the hardcover when it was published in October 2008, thank you. And if you still haven’t gotten around to reading it, don’t worry about it. I’m not. And if you bought the large trade paperback edition that was published in November 2009, you’ve been included in my last royalty statement under “copies sold.” There is no category called “copies read.”

If you somehow missed buying the hardcover or trade paperback, you can buy the less expensive mass-market paperback as of November 1. Paperbacks make great stocking stuffers and good turkey stuffers. You need two for a twenty-pound bird. Use the pre-seasoned edition.

More good news: soon, you will be able to download my books into a 3-D Holographic Talkie Bookie. This device will enable you to see and hear the author (me) reading my book aloud while I go about a normal day’s activities, i.e. you can watch me exercise on my treadmill while reading to you, then eating breakfast, taking a walk downtown, screaming at a dense clerk in a department store, ripping up a chapter of my next novel, ordering a scotch and soda in my local pub, and so forth.

This is cutting-edge electronic technology, and this device is light years ahead of all other eBook readers. It combines audio and visual, in 3-D color and surround sound, making it feel as though I’m reading my book to you as we keep each other company during the day. Awesome. The 3-D HTB will be available, hopefully, before the holidays, but no later than December 21, 2012 when the world ends.

Some other breaking news: I’ve announced in previous Newsletters that my next novel will be an airline disaster story, titled Captain. Well, there’s been a change. With the huge success of The Lion, my publisher and my fans have asked me to do another John Corey book. My fans and my publisher know best, so of course I said yes. More on the new John Corey/Kate Mayfield book in future Newsletters when I figure out a plot.

I recently did a blog for Mulholland Books and you can read it by clicking here. It’s really terrific. And it’s free.

That’s it for now. Look for my October Newsletter in October.

 

Newsletter 10/10

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As promised, here is my October Newsletter in October. In my last Newsletter, I went on a bit about summer turning to fall in the Northern Hemisphere on September 21, and winter turning to spring in the Southern Hemisphere on the same day. Well, I got a bunch of emails from Aussies telling me that winter ends there on August 31. They all admitted that this was an arbitrary date, not linked as it should be to the position of the sun. Okay. I’m glad the Aussies didn’t build Stonehenge.

I did a book publicity trip to Australia and New Zealand about fifteen years ago and I absolutely loved the country and the people, and I look forward to my next trip. Meanwhile, The Lion will be published there on November 4. It will make a good summer beach reading Christmas gift.

The Lion will also be published by Little, Brown, U.K. in the United Kingdom and Ireland on November 4, and in other British Commonwealth countries around the world where English is spoken. So, if you happen to be in, say, Uganda, in November, buy a copy of The Lion. Cheaper than a real lion. My overseas royalties go into a numbered Swiss bank account that the I.R.S. doesn’t know about. Mum’s the word.

As I announced in my last Newsletter, the mass market (cheap) edition of The Gate House will be published by Grand Central Publishing on November 1, here in the U.S. and Canada. Again, paperbacks make great stocking stuffers and good turkey stuffers.

Back to Australia. This is really bothering me. This Newsletter goes out all over the world and I try to make it international, but I can see this could be a problem. We all know that the world is going to end on December 21, 2012, which is the Winter Solstice. But when is the world going to end in Australia? December 1? January 1? You see what I’m getting at. Let me hear from you guys down under about this.

Also, on the international front, The Gate House was published in France in June, titled Le Domaine. I got lots of great reader emails from La Belle France, and almost everyone commented on the intriguingly ambiguous ending, and the fact that the lack of resolution was strangely satisfying in an existential way. Great. Whatever. Well, as it turns out, my French publisher inadvertently left off the last two chapters of the book. Mon Dieu! Holy Soufflé! But my French publisher tells me that only a fraction of the print run has missing chapters. I think the fraction is 15/16ths. But if anyone out there in the French speaking world, including Quebec, has a complete 71 chapter book—as opposed to a 69 chapter book—let me know. I’ll send you a baguette or something.

On to happier news. I mentioned in my September Newsletter that in the near future, you will be able to download my books into a 3-D holographic Talkie Bookie (see the archived September Newsletter for a complete description of this device). Well, in the fast and ever-changing world of digital and electronic technology, the future is past before it arrives, and this device is obsolete before it was available. The good news is that my books can now be converted into a pulsating laser beam and blasted into your brain in less than three seconds. This device, called Beanie Book Blaster will only be available for use in Starbucks. While you’re waiting half an hour for the barista to get your mocha latte made, the Beanie Book Blaster can shoot the entire canon of Western Literature into your brain. All you need to do is type in the titles or use the voice recognition program if you haven’t been eating peanut butter brownies or something.

How, you ask, do you recover the memory of these books? Well…they’re working on that. More next month.

And finally, a word about my next book. As I said in my last Newsletter, this will be a new John Corey/Kate Mayfield book. I’ve decided to get John and Kate out of New York and out of 26 Federal Plaza, and put them in Yemen. Where is Yemen? It’s on the map. First find Saudi Arabia, which is big. Then go south to a spot where if Saudi Arabia needed an enema, this would be where you’d put it. See it?

Okay, why Yemen? Because it’s a really dangerous place—Al Qaeda guys, CIA, drone missile strikes, USS Cole bombing and other bad stuff. You might recall that in Night Fall, John Corey was sent on assignment to Yemen and did not enjoy it. Now, he and Kate are being assigned together for a dangerous mission—think Indiana Jones meets James Bond. I’ve already finished the first two chapters and sent them to my French publisher to replace the missing chapters in Le Domaine.

Okay, that’s it—except for a gentle reminder to buy a paperback copy of The Gate House when it comes out on November 1—that’s All Saints Day, the day after Halloween, except maybe in Australia. Does anyone know?

And don’t forget that November 4 is publication day for The Lion in the U.K., Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, and some other places where they spell labor as labour and favor as favour, and so fourth. Forth?

Anyway, have a great Halloween and don’t forget that Tuesday, November 2 is Election Day in the U.S., and the Day of the Dead in Mexico. Or is it the other way around? Hard to tell these days. And remember, if you vote, you encourage them.

Newsletter 11/10

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As I mentioned in my October Newsletter, the paperback edition of was to be published on November 1 and it was, and it’s doing very well, thanks to you. And thanks to me, too, for writing such a great book.

Did you know that November 1 was National Author’s Day? Neither did I until I got an email from my sister-in-law that day wishing me a happy Author’s Day. That was news to me, and I wondered why Author’s Day should coincide with All Saints Day. Maybe Congress was making a joke when they passed the resolution. I mean, I don’t mind sharing the day with all the saints, but what do the saints think about sharing their day with authors?

November 11 was Veteran’s Day and as I do every year, I got together with a group of Vietnam veterans to have dinner and reminisce and to thank God or Fate for our safe return. We toasted all the men and women who’ve served, and those who have given their lives for their country.

While we were waiting for our table, I saw on the TV screen above the bar a picture of Dino De Laurentiis, the movie producer and an old friend of mine, and I realized the news story was about his death. He was 91 and lived a full and interesting life and had a wonderful wife, Martha, and two great daughters, Dina and Carolyna. Dino, rest in peace, my friend.

On to happier news. As it turns out, the world is not going to end on December 21, 2012. New research has found that there was an error in the conversion of the Mayan to the modern calendar, and the “End of Days” predicted in the Mayan calendar may be 50 or 100 years later. This is a true news story and you may have seen it. I mean, this is like your doctor telling you, “Sorry, I mixed up the x-rays and blood tests. You’re not going to die.” Meanwhile, you’ve divorced your spouse, quit your job, and told your family what you really thought of them. Ooops.

Anyway, I’ll keep on this breaking story. Maybe the researchers are wrong and the world will end on December 21, 2012. But don’t do anything crazy until we know for sure.

Also in my last Newsletter, I described the Beanie Book Blaster that will shoot my books directly into your brain with a pulsating laser beam. Archived October Newsletter. The problem was that there was no way to recover the memory of the books. I mean, they’re all in there, floating around the icky, gray, spongy brain tissue, but how do you recall, for instance, The General’s Daughter? Or the sex scenes in The Gate House?

Well, there’s been a breakthrough. (True news item. Check it out) A top scientist, Raymond Kurzweil, is working on a way to download the entire contents of your brain onto disk drives. That’s right. Through the use of “nano-bots,” brain-downloading will soon be possible. Some people, of course, may need fewer disks, like my cousin in California, or book critics, but this technology will allow you to hear the entire content of your brain on your iPod. Maybe even read it on your iPad, Kindle, or Nook. More on this as it develops. Meanwhile, go buy a paperback copy of The Gate House.

As I mentioned in my last Newsletter, if you live in the U.K., Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, or any other English speaking country, The Lion was published there on November 4. And I just found out that The Lion has hit the bestseller lists in Australia and New Zealand, and I thank my fans there for that. Also, sorry I made fun of the Aussies in my September and October Newsletters. I take it all back. Love you.

In closing, I want to wish everyone (in the U.S.) a Happy Thanksgiving, and also a belated Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian friends and family. Sorry I missed mentioning your Thanksgiving on October 11, but it was also Columbus Day here, and I can’t think of two holidays at the same time. And why, by the way, do you Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving on a Monday in October? I guess the weather in November sucks up there. Right? So, what do you eat on Thanksgiving? Moose? Just kidding. Hey, I’m half Canadian so I can make a few jokes. Go buy a copy of The Lion or The Gate House to show me you’re not mad. Just like the Aussies did. Love you all.

Anyway, we all have a lot to be thankful for, except I don’t like turkey, and cranberry sauce looks like a quivering red brain, but everything goes good with a few Bourbon Manhattans, so have a happy, healthy and safe Thanksgiving.